Some of you may or may not know I am a paratransit driver for my local public transit system. I am not one of the circle jerks (my personal pet name for drivers that go around the same route all fucking day over and fucking over) I am a glorified taxi for the disabled, the elderly getting them to and from their medical appointments.
Alice is an elderly lady who has been on Dialysis for 12 years now....I have transported her for the past 3 years, twice on Tuesdays, Thursdays and during the winter on Saturdays. Today was the last day that I will bring her as the lung cancer has advanced so far that the doctors have basically told her that she is fucked and they can not do anything more for her. I have Alice on my bus for about 30 minutes each way so we talk and over the years we have talked about alot of stuff, from kids, family relations, shitty TV, shitty movies, weather (A popular subject in Vermont) and other sundry topics to numerous to name.
I was unaware of the results of her doctors visit on Saturday, and so Alice's daughter brought her out today and after I had gotten Alice on board (she is in a wheelchair) and folded up the lift, the daughter told me the news...she has maybe a month left but they as a family were pushing her to keep dialysizing. Dialysis is a very draining process ...literally. You are hooked up to a kidney machine for anywhere from 3 to 4 hours while your blood is cleaned....it is a very tiring and exhaustive process that has to be done 3 times a week.
The daughter left and I talked to Alice for about 15 minutes just sitting there wasting gas just talking. When I die I only hope that I have half of the dignity of Alice. She is worried about her family and her brother who will be the only one left out of 5 siblings and she is in alot of pain....if she takes enough Morphine for the pain, she is totally out of it or asleep, she wants to stop the dialysis and just get on with dying.
I brought her in and dropped her off and thought about it for the entire day. I picked her up and she was in lala land as the hospital had doped her up before kicking her out the door for the day. It was a quiet trip to her home as she pretty much snoozed the entire way. We arrived and I unloaded her and gave her a hug and told her I would miss her and took the daughter aside as the grandchildren pushed her back inside her home.
I told the daughter that she should stop pushing and just enjoy being with her mom for her remaining days.....I also pointed out how blessed she actually is because she will actually have the chance to say goodbye.....I never had that chance, as my mom died suddenly overnight.
I am going to miss you Alice
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